Everyone knows that Philadelphia is famous for its great food: soft
pretzels and Tastykakes come to mind, but the king of all things Philly
is the Cheesesteak. It seems even the worst resturants here can make a
cheesesteak better than anywhere else in the country. Maybe it’s the
bread, maybe it’s the way the meat is prepared - hell, maybe it’s that
we have just the right kind of pollution in the city that heightens the
cheese and onion taste receptors in our brains - but whatever it is,
they’re just plain good.
Then again, if you’re a real connoisseur, you know there’s some places
that you should definately NOT take someone from out of town if you are
giving them their first taste. But, in case you don’t, and since I’m
such a nice guy, I’ll lay out the five places you definately want to
avoid.
1) Jim’s Steaks
I don’t care who you are, these cheesesteaks are just not
representative of the Philly Steak Experience. I don’t know whether
it’s the meat they use, the dirty, dank atmosphere, or the surly cooks,
but this place always comes out on bottom. The fancy storefront might
tempt a tourist you’re with, but DON’T LET THEM GIVE IN!!
2) Talk of the Town
It’s weird that such a small, outdoorsey-type place like this would
totally fail to grasp the concept of a good cheesesteak. Downright
surprising, even. But these guys miss it. You’re likely to get a roll
soggy with grease (and not the good soggy, either) if you can even hold
it without oil running down your arm. Steer clear of this one, too.
3) Jake’s Pizza
I’m disappointed in this Center City location. Usually the guys who
work in the business district know a thing or two about quality, but
that seems to be a lesson these guys missed. Frequently made with
tough, stringy meat, if you can bite into the roll without breaking
your teeth, you’ll understand what I mean. There’s plenty of other
places to grab a steak from - hit a street vendor before you go here.
4) Any 24-hour Diner
I can’t b elieve I have to put this on here, but it must be said.
DINERS DO NOT KNOW HOW TO MAKE A PROPER CHEESESTEAK. Don’t go to one
hoping to let your friend get a cheesesteak while you grab something
else - they’ll think you (and, by proxy, the rest of the city) are
crazy for going nuts over these sandwiches. It doesn’t make sense.
There’s not one sit-down place that can make a good cheesesteak on par
with small vendors or pizza places in the city, and diners are at the
bottom of the barrell.
5) Phil’s Steaks
I take back what I said in number four, as most diners can make a
steak of better quality than this stand-up vendor. I don’t know if they
are trying to seem like Pat’s or Geno’s with their storefront - it’s
the same basic structure - but I think they just try to lure in
unsuspecting Philadelphians who are in the area. To put it mildly,
Phil’s is to Cheesesteaks as McDonald’s is to Cheeseburgers. It’s just
a bad move.
Well, now that you know where not to go, I’m sure your eating
experience will be much better. I always see lines at these places and
I’m never sure why - they must run out of new people to trick into
buying there eventually! Hopefully I can raise some bad-steak-awareness
and we can make these places shape up or ship out.
